What Poor Sleep Does to Your Moods - and Your Relationships
Why is it that sometimes you just cannot control your moods?
Barb said: "I couldn't help myself; I just blew up."
John admitted: "My wife tells me that I have become difficult to live with."
Sally lamented: "I'd really like to find a partner but I'm in a bad mood all the time and that's not very attractive."
Irritable, moody, distractible, difficulty focusing; these can be signs of chronic sleep deprivation.
People expressing these behaviors may or may not link them to lack of sleep. They may blame a stressful work environment, for example. And that may be true.
However, lack of sleep makes it more difficult to handle stress.
Lack of sleep affects our emotional control centers.
The part of the brain that is reactive is called the amygdala. It is designed to respond immediately to threats in our environment and is part of the primal brain. Emotional response structures in the brain lie close to the amygdala, and these are associated with impulsivity and reward.
Normally the reactivity of the amygdala is tempered by the control of the neocortex. The neocortex is the "executive function" part of the brain, deciding things like what gets said out loud and what doesn't.
During sleep, neural connectivity is established between the amygdala and the neocortex. This connectivity, reinforced anew each night, serves to strengthen communication between the two, allowing the neocortex to effectively do its job of sorting information, determining what to respond to and what to let go of.
Studies have shown that when sleep deprived, there is a 60% amplification in emotional reactivity. In other words, when provoked, a sleep deprived person is 60% more likely to feel frustrated and irritable.
Further, sleep deprived individuals have been observed to swing wildly in emotional range, from irritable to giddy, their emotional experience and ability to self-regulate jeopardized. Sleep deprivation is also linked to bullying and aggression in children and in prison populations.
Chronic lack of sleep results in difficulty controlling reactivity. The mind literally becomes biased towards it's reactive primal brain.
With lack of sleep, you become a more primitive version of yourself.
Emotional dysregulation plays havoc in all relationships.
A single emotionally amplified comment can spark a heated conversation and underlying negativity between spouses. A sharp impatient response from a parent can crush a child. As a chronic ongoing situation, family life can easily spiral downhill.
At work, we tend to be more on our guard and less prone to emotional flare-ups.
However when our emotional valence is off, others can sense it. This can result in stilted relationships and undercurrents of negativity.
Left unaddressed, this imposes an emotional drag to relationships at work, effecting collaboration, teamwork and work-place well-being.
Understanding the effects of sleep deprivation can help you address it.
If you are finding yourself becoming more irritable and emotionally unstable, rather than blaming outside stress alone, consider if you have been depriving yourself of sleep. This might serve as a wake-up call, telling you that you are not getting enough sleep.
If you notice emotional reactivity in a family member or a colleague, consider if sleep deprivation may be contributing to the situation.
Rather than labeling the person as difficult and problematic, you can apply compassion.
When observing the situation from a compassionate perspective, you can more easily let go of your own feelings and consider how the other person may be suffering. This then allows you to more easily regulate your own reactions; internal and external.
Don't forget to apply this same standard to children and teenagers, who are often sleep deprived as well. Here’s a great resource on how much sleep you really need, at every age.
If it's you who over-reacted, practice self-compassion.
And consider getting more sleep yourself!
Also read: How a Good Night’s Sleep Can Make You Feel Happier