How to Wind Down from a Stressful Day and Get to Sleep
What should you do if you go to bed and your mind is spinning with thoughts?
You have so much going on in your mind all day.
So many preoccupations, decisions, tasks on your to-do list …Your mind’s a-buzzing.
Then, to relax, perhaps you scroll through your social media, turn on TV, or watch Netflix.
What state of mind are you in when you go to bed?
You may find it difficult to fall asleep.
You are too wired with thoughts about what happened today and what you need to do tomorrow.
Your mind is racing, thoughts spinning around and round.
How to get out of this trap?
Trying to fall asleep when you are stressed or revved up is like trying to run down an upward-running escalator.
You will lose this battle every time.
That's because you are fighting against how your body works.
You are designed to be in one of two modes - alert and ready for action; or relaxed and calm.
These two modes are controlled by the Central Nervous System and are called "sympathetic" and "parasympathetic" dominance. (Really, where do scientists come up with these terms, I wonder?!!!)
When you are in a "sympathetic" state you are revved up. You are ready for action. We call this the "stress response". A certain degree of this helps us get things done and to function during the day.
The stress response is essential for waking up in the morning, feeling motivated to do anything during the day, and being active.
We amp it up when we need to respond to something urgent. Like dashing to catch a bus or meeting a deadline at work. At times like these, we should be focused, responsive, and competent.
Functioning well, the stress response modulates up and down as we adapt and respond to situations that arise over the course of the day.
The Stress Response becomes a problem if it gets amplified or can't be turned off.
The stress response is too amplified if our experience is inappropriate to the situation.
Sometimes you need a wake-up call to even notice this.
When we get angry over trifles. When we fear we are going to lose our job because the boss disagreed with us during a meeting. When we think we have so much to do, standing in line at the grocery checkout feels like an impossible delay.
The stress response needs to be turned off when we don't need it. It is only there to help us respond to emergencies, work under pressure, and to handle a situation in a pinch.
The problem is that over time when too much is crowding in that we need to respond to as if it’s an “emergency”, the control switch to dial it down doesn’t work so well.
It can become very difficult to wind down.
And the worst thing is that we don’t even want to wind down!
If you have the choice of watching a fast-action movie or listening to some classical music from Mozart or Debussy, which do you choose?
Probably, hands down, the fast-action movie every time.
That’s because you are most likely ADDICTED TO STRESS!
What?
There you are just yearning for the end of the day when you can finally wind down – and you can’t.
This addiction to stress happens at the biochemical-neurological level. When we respond to something with a stress response, we get a little burst of adrenaline.
It feels good at the moment.
When this happens consistently, all the time, our brains become less able to turn it off. We keep subtly looking for ways to reactivate the stress response.
We need to be able to turn off the Stress Response. Especially when we prepare to go to sleep at night.
So, how do you do that when your day has been hectic and you have a lot of things on your mind?
You want to be able to let go of these preoccupations and shift gears.
Oddly, this isn’t so easy to do.
This is because of the addiction to stress.
Relaxing, like any new habit, needs to be intentionally developed and implemented.
At first, you will make a million excuses to not bother. Remember, that’s your addiction to stress speaking.
It is helpful to think of day and night as distinct phases, with separate rhythms and energies.
The night is for relaxation and sleep and the day is for energy and productivity. The more you can separate the two, the better you will sleep.
The way to do that is to establish a ritual to make this shift.
This ritual will tell your body each and every night that it’s time to let go of the day and move into rest and relaxation mode.
The best way to do this is to maintain a consistent wind-down routine.
Chances are, you already do have a ritual. However, it may not be serving ideal sleep.
An effective wind-down routine is one that puts the cares of the day behind you and brings your mind and body into a state of calm.
A wind-down routine not only tells your mind that you are shifting gears, but your body also will pick up the cues to settle down for the night.
Ideally, winding down is something you look forward to 60 to 90 before you go to sleep consistently every night.
How to design a great winddown ritual that you will actually look forward to and do.
First, consider what you are now doing that actually gets you charged up and even stressed.
For example, many people watch the news at night before going to bed. The news is full of negativity and stories that amplify fear and anger. How does that impact your ability to wind down and relax?
You may like to read before going to bed. If so, are you reading things that are calming – or are you choosing a detective novel that you find hard to put down?
Remember, what you feed your mind before bed will either relax and calm you or activate and stress you.
Next, think about what you could do instead that would truly be calming.
Chances are there are things you'd love to do that you never find time for; listening to or playing music, drawing, playing a game with family members, stretching, or going for a gentle evening stroll. Any of these can be calming.
If you like to read, choose something uplifting and pleasant. If you want to consume media, make sure it’s positive.
Finally, avoid bright light and blue light. This stimulates the part of our brain that tells us to wake up.
This means avoiding screens and dimming down the lights.
If you must look at the screen of your phone, tablet, or computer, make sure you shift to an orange light with night shift on a phone. You can install Flux on your computer (a simple free program you can download at https://justgetflux.com/).
Remember; your body is not a switch.
It needs time to shift gears. It needs consistency to know what to do.
Structure a wind-down routine to help you calm down and relax in preparation for sleep.