Three Common Sleep Disturbances and How to Fix Them
Many people live with disturbances that wake them up every single night.
For some people this is no big deal, they wake up briefly and then roll over and fall back asleep.
Are you one of those people who find it hard to fall back asleep? It’s worth it to resolve the disturbance.
These resolvable sleep disturbances each have something in common; setting boundaries.
It's not always easy to set boundaries - especially with those you love.
According to my experience with clients, these are the most difficult relationships to set boundaries with regarding your sleep; your young kids, your pets, and your partner. Possibly in that order!
Let's look at these three resolvable sleep disturbances and what to do about them.
Young children, waking their parents with small issues
Many mothers lose their ability to get good sleep when their children are young and then are unable to regain the ability to sleep through the night. Clients have come to me decades later, still unable to sleep well.
Are you a mother who is woken up every night by a child who is no longer a toddler?
Does your child wake you up needing to pee, or get a sip of water, or ask a question that would be best resolved tomorrow morning?
You may want to consider teaching your child to distinguish between a legitimate emergency requiring your help, and something the child can deal with on their own. This can be very empowering for a child, to realize they are now old enough to handle their own small issues. This can be a great first step towards a sense of independence and self-agency.
Without realizing it or intending to, you may be training your child to be more dependent on you than they need to be.
The child, dare I say it, may simply be wanting your attention.
You have a right to your own boundaries, and getting good sleep is one of them.
As the parent you will, once you have set these boundaries, get better sleep. You will trust that your child will only let you know if there is something requiring your attention.
You will learn to turn off that parental “emergency signal” that keeps you from getting enough deep sleep. This will then help you deal with real emergencies should they arise!
You can also help your children sleep better for the rest of their lives with good sleep hygiene practices. Some examples include keeping the room dark, eliminating the disturbance of wifi by not having phones in the bedroom, and not drinking anything just before bedtime.
Pets that sleep in bed with you
You may love to have your cats and dogs sleep with you, but what is that doing for your sleep?
A surprising number of people tell me that their pet wakes them up and they find it difficult to fall back asleep.
If you are consistent about it, a pet can quickly habituate to sleeping outside the bedroom. If you have a dog, it could be trained to sleep on the floor, rather than the bed.
You are the one who is most challenged by this change, feeling unwarranted guilt for denying the pet something that it likes but doesn’t absolutely need.
Meanwhile, you definitely need your sleep.
Bed partners
Perhaps your bed partner is the main culprit in disturbing your sleep.
Maybe you have different bedtimes.
If you go to bed earlier, and your partner wakes you up upon coming to bed, it would be helpful to problem-solve together to find a way to resolve the problem.
Light, noise, and movement are usually the biggest problems. You might consider asking your partner to keep the light off and get into bed very quietly with a minimum of moving around.
You may even consider getting a bigger bed or one that doesn't jiggle when one bed partner moves.
If your partner moves around a lot.
This particular problem kept my mom up most of her married life! She would wake up in the middle of the night with most of the sheets off her and wrapped around my dad.
Finally, they got two twin beds, and that solved the problem.
If you don't like that idea much, you could put twin beds together and get a top mattress. There should be lots of room for your partner to move around without bouncing the bed and disturbing you.
Does your partner snore?
First of all, this could be an indication of a serious problem - Sleep Apnea. Encourage your partner to get this tested out.
I myself have had to deal with the partner snoring problem, and the best solution I have found is earplugs. Although they don't cancel out the sound, they muffle it sufficiently to be able to sleep through the night.
If all else fails, you could sleep in different beds or bedrooms - but that's not much fun, is it?
Some people are light sleepers and are easily awoken and then find it difficult to fall back asleep.
It’s worth it to minimize regular disturbances and get better sleep.