Put Yourself Into a State of Choice
How much are you motivated by how you feel in the moment?
There is a task I have put off for months. But now is the time to get it done.
A technological task that also requires that I learn how to do it. I hate doing this. AHHHHH!
I have no energy for it. I can find no motivation.
It pops into my mind that there is an article I wanted to read. Not at all related, but my energy moves up a tick. OK, let's read this, I think. So, I do. Half an hour spent, but no closer to my objective.
I MUST tackle this job!
Sudden exhaustion.
I'm walking through mud.
Another task pops into mind and it seems important. I do that.
And so on.
We call this pattern "procrastination".
I am not doing what I know I need to do, but avoiding it because of how I feel in the moment.
But what lies beneath it?
We don’t often attend to the underlying experience - just the desire - or lack of - that we feel in the moment.
The resistance you feel is the energy you hold towards whatever you are feeling unmotivated about.
This energy is the result of a complex of mental states including attitude, preference, aptitude, and many other subconscious patterns held in place by past and present programming.
Sometimes you aren't even aware of the felt experience that drives you away from doing what you know you should be doing. You only know that you just can't bring yourself to do it.
Underneath it all is energy.
When your energy is "toward" the thing at hand, you will be able to do it effortlessly.
When it's not, there is resistance.
It's like dragging a dog on a leash where he doesn't want to go. You feel the resistance and move away from it, sometimes unconsciously.
You may not notice at the time why you just can’t find time to make that call, or write that email, or talk to so-and-so.
It just occurs to you after a while that you haven't managed to get it done.
It's a kind of energy that keeps you stuck, treading the same route of old bad habits, over and over again.
With my procrastination example, if finally acknowledged the resistance I was feeling about the task at hand.
I thought, “OK, what can I feel energy TOWARDS?”
I chose one small activity that I felt OK about doing, and which would initiate an entry point toward the task at hand.
I created a breadcrumb trail of small rewards toward what I needed to be doing.
With the technological task I had to do, I started reading up on tips on how to do it.
This works for me because I love doing research. If I research anything at all, I will naturally get more interested.
That is how I put myself into a state of choice.
When you become aware of the energy of resistance, find the initiatory step that works for you.
The trick is to ramp up your natural motivation in a direction toward the thing you have been resisting.
How Often Do You Attend to How You Are Really Feeling?
There are all kinds of mildly negative experiences we endure without really being aware of them.
The experience may be boredom, flatness, mild depression, loneliness, irritation, dread, etc.
These experiences can have a profound effect on behavior. They may exist below the threshold of awareness, but you are motivated to respond, regardless.
For example, how often have you found yourself standing in front of the fridge without really knowing why?
Perhaps there is some kind of emptiness that needs to be filled. And you try to fill it with something habitual and mindless.
Without realizing it, you suddenly crave a cookie. Or a coffee. Or need to see what your friends are doing on your favorite social media platforms.
I call these compulsive behaviors.
Over time they can turn into "everyday addictions" to sugar, caffeine, temporary approval, listening to or watching media - any number of things.
The motivation behind them is below the level of awareness.
They act as diversions at the moment, taking you away from the unpleasant emotion that you want to avoid. These behaviors are not resolving a problem or responding to a true need. They replace a negative feeling and provide temporary relief.
Some examples I have noticed with clients include:
Watching Netflix rather than preparing for work the next day. The underlying experience is anxiety which gets noticed when preparing for work. Netflix provides a temporary diversion. However, the replacement feeling is mild anxiety about something that needs to get done and awareness that there will be less time for sleep.
Staying in bed rather than getting up, berating oneself for all one’s faults. The underlying feeling is self-hatred which gets covered by the chattering of the mind, but also serves to create more negative self-talk and apathy caused by staying in bed.
Spending all night listening to motivational talks. The underlying feeling is emptiness and unworthiness. The motivational talks create temporary feelings of self-esteem which disappear as soon as the podcast is turned off. Sleep then suffers, creating more emotional and mental negativity.
Oddly, the compensatory behavior may make the person feel miserable, but the action somehow diverts awareness from the feeling at the moment. But this is only temporary, and the compensatory behavior may amplify the negative underlying emotion the person was trying to avoid.
So why do we do these things?
Without really noticing what is going on, a person simply wants to feel better at the moment.
One of the ways that "everyday addictions" work is that at any moment you are most likely managing a current emotional state without really being aware of it.
For example, getting a snack may be motivated by a vague sense of boredom. Checking the social media feed may be motivated by a temporary feeling of anxiety about what everyone else is doing.
What is significant is that although there is a desire to improve one's experience, there may be little awareness of what the experience actually is.
Further, the behavior may not actually solve the problem.
The snack is eaten and boredom still exists.
If you look inside and notice boredom you could rectify it with a different action.
If you go under the immediate impulse of "do such and such", you may notice it is accompanied by a sensation of excitment, or a simple nudge in the form of a sense of release.
If you attempt to do the opposite of what that little impulse directs you toward, you might feel a sense of resistance, tiredness, or boredom.
Put Yourself Into a State of Choice
Paying attention to the emotion or the energetic impulse behind a behavior (or lack of) is key to making a change.
When you attend to the mental and physical experiences behind your impulses, you are taking the driver's seat.
Rather than mindlessly obeying the dictates of the non-desirable habit, you can start to take charge.
Mindfulness is a powerful thing.
Attuning to the experience under the impulse takes away some of its power.
The longer you can simply be with the experience, the less likely you are to obey it. You may find the intensity fades away so that you are no longer in a state of craving.
Or you may notice that the desire itself doesn't seem so powerful
It's as if all this time you have been a marionette whose movements have been controlled by an invisible operator. Once you pay attention to the strings controlling the behavior, you are taking steps to take charge of your decisions and your life.
The next time you find yourself doing something with no idea why, stop and ask yourself; what's really motivating me? How am I really feeling right now?
Put yourself into a state of choice.