Why You Can’t Relax and Enjoy Your Life — and What to Do About It
I have a confession to make.
I often find it difficult to stop. To take time out to relax, to just “be”.
When I am busy, I feel productive (even when I’m not actually being productive). When I slow down, I can feel slightly guilty about being “lazy.”
I am highly goal-oriented, but there is a driven quality to my goal-setting, a kind of relentlessness.
This is an example of what I call an addiction to “yang.”
Yin and yang are two complementary energies, as defined by ancient Chinese medicine.
These two energies are both necessary and are in constant dynamic balance one with the other.
Yang is everything our culture promotes and rewards.
Yang involves being busy, productive, getting things done, working, etc. Everything action-oriented, stimulation-rich, and requiring an expenditure of energy is “yang.”
Our world is yang-dominant.
Yang is meant to be balanced with Yin.
Yin is rest, relaxation, healing, restoration, stillness, and contemplation.
Sleep is yin.
None of this is rewarded or recognized in our culture as necessary.
Many of us find it difficult to cultivate a balance between the yin and yang of our lives.
However, when we do not, things start to crash and burn.
We become exhausted and unproductive. Our moods and sense of well-being can deteriorate.
Not only do we live in a yang-dominant world, but we have, as a society, become ADDICTED to yang energy.
How can that be? How can we become addicted to constant work and stress — physical, mental, and emotional?
Overdone yang energy is associated with adrenaline.
Adrenaline triggers a little shot of dopamine in our brains. Dopamine makes us feel good, even elated. It is that dopamine that is addictive.
Adrenaline highs can be triggered by things like competing, winning, achieving, being right, and sensation-seeking.
This isn’t confined to the high-stakes world of competitive sports or the high echelons of the corporate world.
Seemingly more innocuous activities like compulsive shopping, computer game-playing, or having an over-busy schedule are also signs of adrenaline addiction.
When the reward of achievement leads not to satisfaction and rest, but to more of the same achievement-seeking behavior, this is a compulsion. A form of addiction.
This is possible because the brain becomes accustomed to high doses of adrenaline.
Once accustomed, the adrenaline feels good.
The person feels sharper, focused, and energized. When adrenaline diminishes, life can feel a bit flat and boring.
One of the consequences of adrenaline addiction is poor sleep.
It can be difficult for the brain to turn off and the body to relax.
In our hyped-up world full of distractions and constant sources of adrenaline spikes, it is important to consciously cultivate the yin in our lives.
Here are some suggestions for cultivating yin.
Set up a routine.
When your day has a pattern to it, there is less resistance to breaking a compulsive pattern.
Include yin time in your routine.
Examples include meditation, journaling, walking, yoga, breathing.
Build mini-breaks into your day.
My own go-to is to take a walk outside. No matter the weather, this shifts energy, opens perspective, and delivers sunlight, helping to align circadian rhythms.
Do some exercise.
With exercise, your body uses up excess energy which might otherwise go towards feeling overwhelmed, revved up, stressed, or jittery. And you don’t have to go to the gym or anything - you could just get up and dance for a few minutes!
Wind down before bedtime.
Shift gears. Allow yourself to let go of all the cares and preoccupations of the day. Read a book.
Take a bath. Indulge yourself a bit with something you truly enjoy.
Remember, we are meant to be in balance; it is important to cultivate yin, in order to complement yang.
As a result, we can be more productive, less stressed, and sleep better.